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Depressed Pencils

March 08, 2019

Depressed Pencils

Hello. I’m Anna, co-manager here at USTUDIO.shop I’ve been a part of the USTUDIO team since forever and I did a lot of work on the Sharp and Blunt range. I have had BPD and complex PTSD for my entire adult life.

Back when I got really ill, however, I didn’t know this. My life crumbled into the blackest depression I’ve known, with anxiety so intense I was afraid to leave the house and was having panic attacks that felt like I was dying.

I ended up hospitalised, basically in order to keep me alive, as I wasn’t sure I could do that by myself.

The unexpected thing about being in hospital was that I made friends, lovely people that didn’t judge me for my illness and encouraged me to open up about myself. In the middle of a truly dark time we made each other laugh and I learnt that laughter, if not exactly medicine, was both an escape and a bond with those struggling alongside me.

I had been working on the Sharp and Blunt project when my illness had started getting worse, and I held on to my notebook in hospital just in case I was able to write. The Depressed Pencil set was originally an idea to make my hospital friends laugh, but when I got better I somehow talked U Studio into producing them.

Mental illness is awful. There is no escaping that. My brain has put me through hell, and continues to do so. Every single day is a fight.

BUT I am not my illness. I am a person, I am a mother, I am a friend, I am a poet. The writing I do outside of USTUDIO is very different, as you can see on my website. But I am as proud of Depressed Pencils as I am of anything I have written, because they were a smile in the darkness, a laugh when I felt like I was all out of hope.

In the end, a Depressed Pencil needs care: a little sharpening, hopefully not to get too chewed...

and hey, they may get a little beaten down, but they can still write. Just like me.

 

If you’d like to see more of my writing then click here >>>


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